i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
