haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
