i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
