One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The power of my boobs compel you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
