butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i already hear my dad disowning me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
