..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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