I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
