I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
