she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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