love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
