Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just high enough for therapy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
