just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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