she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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