I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
