As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
try to milk me bitch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
