Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
