quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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