i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
