he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
