He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
