checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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