He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
