I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
