wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
