My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
