Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
