mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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