its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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