hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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