my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
