I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
