I think I won the penis lottery.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
