Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
