Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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