She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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