it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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