There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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