I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
