Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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