If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So vagazzling was a success
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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