Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize