oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
