Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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