My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
