he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
