Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she looked like the before picture.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
