I cockslap morals
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize