Need sex. Gaining weight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
