on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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