He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
