worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize