I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
