how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
