Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
People in love make me want to vomit
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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