marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
