Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
