do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
