so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
