I should be sponsored by Trojan
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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