Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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