My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize