literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
