Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
