We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
