your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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