i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
