He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
