new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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