turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
