Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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