I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
