It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize