You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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