i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
