i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
